Moving in with a mate: Now what?
Shacking up with that special someone may seem exciting at first, but what about when they roll the toothpaste tube the wrong way? What if they leave the toilet seat up? How many times can you honestly ask them without wringing their necks not to wear your vintage AC/DC T-shirt to paint the porch?
Even for the most seasoned cohabitants, living with someone else is challenging at times. We all have our quirks, our preferences and hang-ups, some of which we may be too shy to share until we’re already peeved at our poor partner, who has no idea what they did. Keep these helpful hints in mind when negotiating shared space:
Hint #1 – Talk it out: You think you feel silly telling your sweetheart that leaving the lid off of the shampoo bottle drives you insane? Wait until you blow up at them for it! Instead, talk about your idiosyncrasies over coffee or in a neutral environment where there are no nerves exposed. Laugh about your quirks, but be honest. And also be grown up enough to realize you’re not always going to get things your way if you share living space.
Hint #2 – Stake out personal space: Though it may not seem important to have a workout room, a library or even your own sink when you’re home-shopping, smaller things than this have been the demise of many a rocky relationship. Talk out your needs before you hit the house-hunting trail. Also, make sure to share your needs with your Realtor so they know what to look for, instead of wasting everyone’s time touring houses that will never work.
Hint #3 – Make a list, check it twice: No, you don’t have to make a ‘naughty’ and ‘nice’ list for your hubby, but you should be able to list, in order, the most important features you want in a new place to live? Can’t be without big trees? Mark down as priority number one. Sort of want a pool but still not completely sold? Make that number nine or ten on your list. Once both of you have a top-ten list of requests, compare the two and negotiate to bring your lists together. It’ll save lots of confusion and potential arguments while you’re shopping.
Hint #4 – Know your limits: Couples fight about money – or the lack of it – more than anything else. While you may get a rush from buying that huge house today, it may be the very thing that drives you apart tomorrow. Make a plan for what kind of down payment and monthly installments you can realistically handle, and stick with it. Sure, there are going to be other great houses that cost a little more, but is sacrificing your budget, relationship and serenity really worth a few extra square feet?
Although I’m sure your neighborhood Realtor would be thrilled to play relationship counselor for you, wouldn’t you rather have them spend their time finding you the right home? This can only happen if you know what you both want, and what you can really manage. You and your partner are making a serious investment together, so make sure it pays off.